Beer n Weed Whackers

From: (Delburt Dimwiddy)
Subject: Trip Report: Beer and Weed Whackers
Date: 05 Aug 1999 00:00:00 GMT
Organization: Paleolithic Refugia
Newsgroups: rec.backcountry

   Ain't had much of a chance to get out in the woods lately. So when
Skeeter and Winnie said they was going to California, Mildred and me,
we just had to tag along. We figgered as the kids would be a hassle,
but there ain't so many now that Junior and Bubba dropped outa school
cause they started their own families, and Donna Jane done run off with
that motorcycle gang and don't call home no more. But the ones we got
left is good kids, and we shore was glad we brung them along when we
run outen gas in Nevadda and had to push the truck for about 20 miles.
I think I'd a had a heart attack if I'd a had to help them push. It was
bad enough sitting in the truck with no A/C. Them kids is strong.

   We stopped at Donner Pass cause we heard a bunch a people died there
and we wanted to see how bad a accident it were. Musta been bad to name
the place after them, sorta like those little crosses people put up
side the road where people done wrecked. But we didn't like the place
too much cause people seemed kinda unfriendly when we asked about the
Donner crash. One guy was real nice though and told us about some
really nice lakes not far off the road up ahead.

   We found the place and headed in. When we got to a sign that said
Wilderness Area we knew this was where we wanted to be at. So we put
the truck in four wheel drive and kept going. After a bit it got pretty
rough even though we'd let some air outen the tires in the truck. It is
still a good truck but it is a few years old and don't run so good like
it did before, when we went camping and I accidentally shot it. So we
decided to walk the rest of the ways to the lake and camp up there. Me
an Skeeter, we tied straps on our duffel bags soze we could carry them,
and the kids all had their book bags loaded up. They done et too much
that morning and all had to take a dump, but I made them wait till we
got to a creek soze they could clean their butts up good. Don't want
them stinking up the trail.

   It was a durn long haul to the lake, but Skeeter was really wanting
Winnie feeling happy, so we didn't ask the gals to carry moren half the
load. We was feeling bad that we hadn't put the ATVs in the truck. But
they was lots a people there and if we'd of had the ATVs we'd of felt
obliged to give them a lift, and they was too many a them. So we kept
on walking and Little Jimmy shot a couple rabbits so we figured dinner
was gonna be pretty good.

   We was all real hot when we got to the lake, and all the kids done
took off their clothes and jumped right in. They was real glad it
wasn't a swimming pool with those darned chemicals that do funny things
to the water when you pee. Amos was looking at some super big rocks
that come right outen the water other side the lake, and darned if he
didn't pull two cans of red spray paint outen his book bag! I sent him
an Bobbi Sue cross the lake to decorate them rocks. They was gone a
long time but the results was really nice. I was proud a them. I could
see all the letters plain as day from all the way cross the lake, and
they even spelled most the words right. Leastwise Linda Jean said they

   I was kinda worried bout them being gone so long though. They is both
pretty near ready to start having kids, and though it ain't totally
traditional in my fambly I think we need to bring in some fresh blood
so I don't want them spending all their time together alone without
nobody else around.

   But I didn't think about it too much cause I was so busy watching the
dogs, Daniels and Beam. They was having even more fun than the kids.
I'd been glad the whole trip that we brung them along cause they are
real good about stopping the little kids from jumping outen the back a
the truck when we are on the highway. But this was even better, cause
Danny and Beamer done found some cows over on the next hill and chased
them back over to the lake, and the cows was not too happy with having
two dogs running all around when them cows was sinking into the wet
ground. It shore was funny, but after a while I called off the dogs
soze they wouldn't get hoarse from barking so loud. I almost wished we'd
a brung the rest of the dogs.

   Atter while me an Skeeter started looking out for a place to set up
the tents. We found a really pretty spot under some trees, but Winnie
said they was too many pine cones on the ground and she'd rather sleep
on the grass. So me an Skeeter found a place near the top a the lake
with lots a grass, but the grass was tall and wet and we figured
camping there would be about like in the middle of the lake. So Skeeter
opened up his pack and darned if he hadn't packed his weed whacker all
the way up there! He got it fired up and in no time we had a spot
cleared out big enough for all the tents. I wouldn't a thunk it worth
the trouble, bringing that weed whacker, but Skeeter shore proved me

   The boys carried in a bunch a rocks for a big fire ring too. It all
seemed like a lot of work, compared with under the trees, but Skeeter
says if a woman don't have a place where her back side is confortable
then her man ain't gonna be happy. And Skeeter was happy that night. I
could tell by the farts coming from his tent. Skeeter, he always farts
when he's having a good time in addition to being quite a philosopher.
I was farting too but I think mine come from something in the lake
water I'd been drinking.

   We put the pans with the leftover rabbit stew in the middle the camp
soze if any animals tried to steal it in the night, we'd have something
more to add to the stew in the morning. But we was all sleeping good
and even the dogs didn't get the stew, and we et rabbit again in the

   We stayed up at the lake the whole next day cause the kids were
having so much fun. By the next morning though I was ready to git back
to the truck. I really liked it up by the lake but I can understand why
most people don't do this for moren a couple nights at a time. Beer
shore is damned heavy. We'd almost broke our backs hauling up a two day
supply and here we were trying to stretch it to three days. Even
walking back wasn't real easy carrying all them empties. We had to
carry them out. After all, we wouldn't want to leave the place looking
trashy for the next people. Specially when we did so much work fixing
it up to look nice. Maybe our kids will come back here some day. We try
to teach them to take care of the outdoors. Even if is just a place
with a lot of rocks and trees and nothin really nice like a baseball

   I could go on about what a good time we all had, but my fingers are
as sore as Winnie's back side woulda been if we'd a set up camp under
the pine trees. Maybe I'll write some more about the rest of our trip.
You can start thinking about what a truck tire looks like bouncing down
the side the Grand Canyon.

Delburt "Beer and Grass" Dimwiddy